Alieniloquent

Life is full of tough decisions. It is, in fact, itself a series of decisions, and many of them are tough. So far, I’ve had a mix of them. The funny thing is, I made a lot of decisions that are hard for most people with ease.

I dropped out of college. I got married, and have remained blissfully so. I picked up all of my earthly posessions and moved a state away to seek out better fortune. I left a steady job for a new, better, shinier job, and then did it again three months later (and have been in that position for the last two years). I just bought a house six months ago.

I read. I know that many people stress out and toil over those kinds of decisions, and all of them have just come to me. When I needed to make a decision, I just did it. Yeah, it was stressful, but the right choice came to me. But now, I’m sitting here in my house and I’m thinking about the future. I’ve got everything (mostly) planned out through my graduation, which will be in Spring of 2010. That’s right, boys and girls, I have another six semesters after this one before I graduate (wow, it’s into the single digits at least).

I’m not sure what I want to do after I finish school. I’m already employed, and as much as I love my job, I don’t want to work there forever. I want to start a business, but hell if I know what. I’ve considered graduate school, but I frequently reconsider (and then reconsider reconsidering). When I get my degree in four years, I’ll be done with the part of my life that’s been planned.

A few years ago, that would have seemed like forever (indeed, I remember thinking just that), but now that seems like it will be just around the corner. I feel unprepared. I wish I could find that resolve that I had as a young child when I said I wanted to be an astronaut, and then a fireman, and then a chemist, and then and then and then.

I’m sure I’ll decide when the time comes, but it’s this waiting that’s killing me.